I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
