Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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