Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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