So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
