i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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