we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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