Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
