there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
MIDGETS
????
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
