Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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