just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need to get me chipped asap
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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