remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't put those talents on a resume
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
