We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
