If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
