...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
