Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
