just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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