My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize