She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
