TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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