my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
