Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
