I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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