im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
