she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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