Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
