my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
