***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
