Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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