Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
