Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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