alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You pole danced in your parka.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
