i think my tv is drunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
