Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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