We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
