I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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