I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
