im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
