I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
