Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
