Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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