So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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