I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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