i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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