just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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