You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
