I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i drank out of a bidet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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