there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize