i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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