Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
