Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
