Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
