Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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