Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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