Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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