I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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