if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
