He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
