If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
