So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
