Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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