My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
