i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
