wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
