Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
