i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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