Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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