He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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