i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
