He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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