I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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