I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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