gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
