I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
