Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
