omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
