did you get engaged???
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
