Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
