Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
