your thong is hanging out like whoa
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
