Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize