I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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