I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My vagina is very pro this idea
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
