I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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