Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Rumble strips road head = magical
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
