I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize