well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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