he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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