so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
