WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
