Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
