Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Randomize
