I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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