she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
