just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
