btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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