The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
