I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
