listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize