Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
